Ghost Story
by Lady Leiyna
Summary: Zech's reflections between the end of the series and EW.......


"Ghost Story"  
  
Fanfiction: Songfic   
by: Lady Leiyna  
  
based on the beautiful song "Ghost Story" by Sting (must listen to this song to fully grasp emotions in this ficcy!)  
disclaimer: ~this story is only for entertainment purposes only. Gundam Wing is the property of Bandai, Sunrise, etc....so please don't sue me- I have no money. If I did, I would hire someone to illustrate this for me...^_^ ~  
  
/indicates flashback/ 'indicates thought' "indicates dialogue"  
  
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"I watch the western sky...the sun is sinking  
  
A lone shadow stretched across the crooked wooden planks of the dock. A red-orange sunset slowly seemed to fade into the ocean depths where the fading sun met with the horizon. 'Funny, the sun and the sea. The bright and the dark, apart for so long, only to come together once a day, so close, so intimate, but yet so far,' the blonde man thought. Long strands of platinum blonde hair blew lazily about the figure seated on the edge of the dock; the feeling of his hair on his bare back and the taste of salt on his lips brought back so many memories of this place. Like the waves crashing against the rocks to the east, floods of memories came back to him.  
  
/"Aaaahh! I yield! yield!" a young lean boy furiously tried to beat his leg as the raven-haired girl pushed him once again beneath the surface of the dark water. The pair came up, gasping for air and laughing furiously at their own antics. To think, the top two students in their class, taking a midnight swim...and by the dock to the officers' quarters, nonetheless. He managed to push her an arm's length away and stood panting, trying to mop the wet hair from his face. They both stood still for a second and stared each other in the eyes before bursting into furious giggles all over again. God, how many rules they were breaking! Sneaking out, to begin with, associating with a soldier of the opposite sex in a *definitely* non-professional, "unbecoming of an OZ officer" manner, and swimming in their civilian clothes! How were they ever going to sneak back to quarters and wash their salty clothes without their secret being let out? The two honestly didn't think about these things before they decided to sneak out. With all of the responsibilities and properness they had to feign each day...a release like midnight swimming was exactly what they both needed. To escape the daft grasp of the petite Italian girl, the mysterious young boy shot of with his feet and swam furiously towards the moon which was slowly sinking into the horizon. Before diving after him, the young Noin couldn't help but notice how his long white-blonde hair flowing behind him in the water matched the reflected rays of the moon, and thought about how he was so like the moon-so cold and dark and lonely during the day, but bright and lively at night, like he always was with her. She knew he only took off his mask when he was around her. But he was getting away from her, and fast, so she took off after him, not ever seeing how he had been watching her all the while he was swimming backwards away from her. He had noticed how much her hair blended in with the dark, dark blue waters, her eyes like tiny sparkles sitting on the surface of the waters......"Aaahhh! Damn!" How had she managed to sneak up on him like that?! And the two dove beneath the water and went about their wrestling once again, their laughs softly echoing into the night sky./  
  
"the geese are flying south  
it sets me thinking..."  
  
A delicate 'V' of geese slowly and gracefully made their way south. "Hmmm...tall geese...Tallgeese..."Zechs couldn't help but snicker at the bad pun which crossed his mind. 'What it would be like to soar through the sky like that again... with one objective, one mission on my mind, none of these clouds...'he thought. Well, there was no sense sitting here brooding over lost memories. Lost time, lost thoughts. He pushed himself up off of the creaking boards and made his way back to his camp. No, there was no reason for him to remain here, denying...denying...denying what?  
  
"I did not miss you much  
I did not suffer  
What did not kill me  
Just made me tougher..."  
  
The winter of AC 195 had faded into a silent spring which Zechs had spent recovering from his wounds and forging his new Tallgeese III from what was left of the Epyon. The summer had come and gone, and the fall leaves had long been blown away. It had been over a year since he had seen...her... Zechs shook his head and continued up the well-hidden path to his small camp at the base of the hills surrounding Lake Victoria.  
  
"I feel the winter come  
Hic icy sinews...  
Now in the firelight  
The case continues..."  
  
The shaking soon came: it was cold, and Zechs knew he needed to get to shelter soon. He had been wandering ever since that day a year ago, staying in nameless hotels and camping out wherever he could, wherever he could stay hidden. His Tallgeese III was crouched in the woods surrounding Lake Victoria...'as long as he had his suit, he had a home,,,' or at least, this thought was what he always consoled himself with. His small stack of kindling was slowly dwindling, and Zechs knew it would not be long until he had to search for more wood and scraps to pile around his small make-shift campfire. He stuck the flint bar and coaxed the tiny spark into a small flame, careful not to create any more smoke that was absolutely necessary. Not like anyone would find him here, amongst the ruins of the Noin's old base. He found solace here, in the woods. It gave him time to think. Or was it time to hide? Hide...from what?  
  
"Another night in court  
The same old trial...  
The same old questions asked  
The same denial..."  
  
He moved an empty Wild Turkey bottle out of his way, crawling closer to the meager fire. An emptiness overtook him as he settled next to the fire, staring into the tiny, hopeless blaze. He knew it was not hunger...or at least not a hunger for food...this feeling always got the better of him when the night came and he was alone with the flames. Always there was a sort of sub-conscience taunting him, not letting him forget so many memories. The flames danced within the ring of white rocks and were such a contrast to his thoughts-they were alive, burning, and somehow penetrating. Most days, he felt only like the ash they left behind-burnt out, gray, and without any kind of passion. A remnant of something once thought to be glorious, proud. Soon, Zech's mind began to mull over all the made-up and diluted reasons he had come up with over this past year for his actions, for this frightened hiding game he was playing. What was he running from, exactly? No. He would not think about it. Not tonight. He could not bear trying to explain his actions to himself for the duration of yet another sleepless night. This denial did him no good, though, and the argument flooded into his aching head. And the longer he defended himself against those very accusations which he was making against himself, the more he began to loose sight of his excuses and weak reasons.   
  
"Why was I missing then  
That whole December?  
I give my usual line,  
I don't remember..."  
  
December of AC 195...he had his reasons then. Reasons that hid did not now care to recall. He was more than happy to let those flashbacks fade from his memory, hopefully taking the shame that haunted him with them. Those feelings and convictions which he had been so passionate about (had it been real passion or just the byproduct of war?) had long deserted him and all that was left for him to do was to reconcile the things he had created...and destroyed...during that time. And Christmas Eve...God, who was that man, Milliardo Peacecraft? He could've gone back to her-he knew she wanted him to and still believed he was out there, alive, and hers alone-but he had let himself disappear like the explosion that had engulfed him. Why had he let himself fade like that, disappearing from all human contact? He didn't know anymore. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to remember...but there was something, something so important and valuable, that wouldn't let him escape...  
  
"Another winter comes  
His icy fingers creep  
Into these bones of mine  
These memories never sleep..."  
  
Hours later Zechs was still restless and cold, his mind whirling and fighting itself with the sudden and intense feelings that had overwhelmed him this night, this night before the year anniversary of that day in 195 that had ended his life, the day Milliardo Peacecraft had "died."  
  
"And all these differences  
A cloak I borrowed  
  
/"Noin, GET OUT OF HERE!" a frantic man screamed, the panic that had burst inside him nearly breaking his deep, rich voice. In a flash of green and a passing blur of white, he had decided to ignore those differences between him and the world that he had fakely defined himself by for the past months... as leader of White Fang. Donning the gray overcoat of his White Fang uniform, he had successfully fooled the outside world. All were convinced of his determination to truly destroy the Earth...all but one...and he could not bring himself to destroy the one true piece of himself he still knew, the one thing that he could grasp, cling to, to last identity that truly defined him.../  
  
"We kept our distances  
Why should it follow that...."  
  
So he had avoided her since then, allowing the unrecognizable tangle of scorched metal that had once been the Epyon to drift lodged within a fragment from Libra, unidentified by all and forgotten. It had been so easy to use his believed death to hide...from...what?  
  
"I must have loved you?"  
  
No, how could this be? Zechs sat up as the thought finally came to surface within his mind. Perhaps he had sat up too quickly, as he soon felt a rush come to his head. This new thought was nearly painful. Or maybe it was still some of the aftereffects of yesterday's drinking ordeal. No, he was more clear-headed now than he had been in months. Suddenly, his mind swam yet somehow cleared, similar in fashion to the mist lifting off the surface of the nearby lake in the morning. The woman he had used, the woman he had almost destroyed so many times...how could it be that he had loved her all along? The thought was absurd...and so filling. How? How? Why? Thousands of questions filled his head, and he was surprised to find he was already so familiar with the questions. And he was even more surprised to discover that he already knew the answer to them all.  
  
"What is this force that binds the stars?"  
/"...for my love of outer space..."/  
  
"I wore this mask to hide my scars..."  
/"...the betrayed and outraged Milliardo Peacecraft..."/  
  
"What is the power that pulls the tide?"  
dark violet...dark, deep eyes, like the sea...  
  
"Never could find a place to hide..."  
What the hell was he doing here, hiding from the one thing he knew would bring him peace again and finally quiet his inner demons?  
  
"What moves the earth around the sun?  
What could I do but run and run and run?  
Afraid to love, afraid to fail  
A mast without a sail..."  
  
Something inside Zechs burst as he realized that he really had known all along what this feeling inside him was. It wasn't hate, or resentment. It sure as hell wasn't courage. It wasn't chivalry or sentiment, pride or anger. It was Noin, and Noin alone. Her, existing inside him, knowing him like no one had ever know him. Filling him up, loving him unconditionally, even when she thought he didn't return those feelings for her. If only she had known all along. Now, if only she knew...  
  
"The moon's a fingernail  
And slowly sinking  
Another day begins  
And now I'm thinking..."  
  
Icy blue eyes, clear for the first time in months, began to detect the first signs of dawn. A crescent moon was just setting over the lake, its small yet bright beams seeming to light a runway straight into outer space. A road...to her...and an amazing thought came to Zech's mind.  
  
"That this indifference  
Was my invention  
When everything I did  
Sought your attention..."  
  
Who did he think he had been lying to? To who but himself had he viciously denied that his heart did not leap whenever he heard her name? Honestly, how had he never seen how much he longed for her glance, her words-how hungry he was for her presence? She had been his everything.  
  
"You were my compass star  
You were my measure  
You were a pirate's map  
Of buried treasure..."  
  
He now saw how everything he had ever done himself had only been judged in his own mind according to Noin's reactions, her feelings, her opinion of him. She WAS his measure, which would of course explain the emptiness he felt when she was not there-/..."just let me stay here, by your side..."/ But oh, where was she now? Where had his treasure gone? The Preventers. Of course. Where else would Noin be?   
  
"If this was all correct  
The last thing I'd expect  
The prosecution rests  
It's time that I confessed..."  
  
Zechs felt his defenses come tumbling down, and he knew what he was going to do. He knew what he needed, what he longed for...what he loved. He stood up and brushed himself off and started walking towards his mobile suit. To outer space he would go, to find her. He would use whatever excuse to get near to her again...God, how ironic was that? To be grasping desperately for the woman who had always refused to leave his side...what did this mean?  
  
"I must have loved you..."  
  
Tallgeese III began to hum as its engines warmed up. The pilot inside punched in the start-up codes and checked all the systems for earth-to-space travel. Preventers Headquarters...he had to go there, to find her, to find a way to show her how much she meant to him. It was finally time that he did admit, and act upon, that conviction which he had had all along, buried somewhere underneath layers of old and new fear...  
  
"I must have loved you..."  
  
The canopy parted and the leaves swirled as a white-blue burst of light quickly disappeared into the emerging dawn sky, heading toward a bright metallic point of light suspended near the moon. And Zechs thought to himself..."for my love of outer space...for my love of outer space...Noin..."   
  
"I must have loved you..."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
